Timmy Xiao
I am too lazy to proofread anything.
I graduated from MIT today. Well, I still have a MEng to finish starting in the Fall. I would want to list the good things that I have experienced here, but I currently just want to record the negatives. There probably are studies that showcase this phenomenon anyway.
Some professors here, for the lack of a better word, are mid. I'm sure all professors are amazing in their field of research, but some cannot teach at all. This gets overshadowed in smaller upper-level classes because a decent amount of the students have good background on the material and the other students get amongus. This can usually be dealt with by talking to TAs or looking at external resources. My main gripe is communication. Some professors don't even respond after 5+ emails over a time span of 2 months.
And to the amazing professors, I wished I would have talked to them more. I barely even thanked them. I probably would have known earlier what I wanted to do in computer science if I had interacted with professors earlier. Honestly, I still don't truly know what I want to do. COVID obviously didn't help, but I had plenty of time before the pandemic.
Next, there's intimidation. I know it happens both ways; I have intimidated others and others have intimidated me. I used to get intimidated by how many classes others take, but that doesn't phase me anymore. It's now more about the speed one completes an assignment. It also didn't help that I always took at least 5-6 classes until the end of my undergraduate career. I realized that I learn less and topics become uninteresting when taking more classes. I was just seeking out completion of assignments rather than the actual enjoyment of learning. My free time was also literally nonexistent.
I know for sure that I have intimidated others. It lowers my self-esteem for an odd reason. Within MIT, I offer to give guidance for anything, but I always get the vibe that people are too afraid to ask me for help (or maybe I am just bad haha). Outside of MIT, some people think I am some superhuman while in reality I am just a potato. This makes me not wanting to reveal what school I go to. When asked, I usually just say, "I go to Mass Tech." It is surprisingly less intimidating.
It would be a lie if I said every classmate of mine would be intimidated if I offered help. However, there are times when I feel like people only want to be friends with me, so I can help them with their psets. I mean this has only occurred a few times, but like I said, bad stuff sticks. Asking me for pset help is fine, and you don't even need to try to be my friend (lol?). Maybe I had a bad experience, but some relationships only seem to be transactional.
But it would be a bigger lie if I said I was the perfect person here. I was terrible. In fact, I still am one of the worst. I am always negative and self-deprecating (as you can tell). I am a blunt asshole. I am a hater. If I like you, I seek ways to start disliking you. I am so cynical about everything.
I am now going to divert my thoughts and think of bubbles. Speaking of bubbles, there's a lot of "bubbles" at MIT. There's the never explored anything outside MIT bubble. There's that one group who only talks about startups. Then there are groups where people knew each other before MIT and then they never bothered to make new friends. And there's the biggest bubble of all: everyone uses Facebook. I don't want to use Facebook. I tried escaping but I had to go back. If you leave, you are basically cutting off communication with like 90% of your classmates. The assumed way to communicate is Messenger. However, I do see less use from underclassmen.
Oh yea, then there's the fact where I am losing my language. Every year I go back home, I lose more of my ability to speak my first language. The way I speak to my parents is probably now a new language itself. It evolves, becoming more and more scuffed every year. I tried speaking to my grandparents when I graduated, but half the time I didn't know what to say. I guess my connection to a lot of family members are getting weaker. I mean this really isn't MIT's fault. This is more of a symptom of being away from home for a decent amount of time.
Looking back, I know I changed but at what cost? I still feel more unhappy than happy. Hopefully, my perspective will change after a few years away from "the Institute". I also have around one more year here so things can change within that time too.
Oh by the way, I love Nicole Curry.